The Alternative Soap Awards

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As everyone knows, it’s soap award season and if you haven’t already, you should be voting for Emmerdale here, because let’s face it – it’s awesome and often overlooked in the awards. I can’t fault the British Soap Awards picks for the Emmerdale choices, but here are some tongue-in-cheek suggestions of awards they could have had.

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Best Entrance: Dan and his pint smash

It wasn’t everyone’s idea of a fun wedding (RIP Ruby, Val and anonymous helicopter pilot) – but what it did give us was a very dramatic entrance, complete with intense close up on Dan’s face and pint smash, as Dan ran into the village hall to warn everyone of their impending doom. Watch it again here!

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Best Young Performance: Moses Barton

Cutie Moses has a lot of competition when it comes to babies in the village, but he wins this award hands down simply for being adorable. With parents like his, he’s bound to turn into a little terror, but for now, lets enjoy his impish lil smile.

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Best Dialogue: “Stop lying, you liar!”

Memorable, quotable – I’m sure you could even put it on a t-shirt. Robert Sugden wins this award for the best playground insult since he and Andy were tots.

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Best Dramatic Performance: Val and a wig, playing Brenda

The award for best dramatic performance goes to the Brenda wig. Such was the power of the wig, and Val’s simpering role as Brenda, that fraud was committed. You might argue that this win is undeserved but to that I say this: if it weren’t for the Brenda-act, no fraud would have been committed meaning Val wouldn’t have considered faking her death, wouldn’t have argued with Diane and would still be alive!

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Villain of the Year: Zak Dingle

Forget your Cain Dingles, Ross Bartons and Robert Sugdens of the world. No. The biggest villain of Emmerdale this year has been one man and one man alone. Zak Dingle. Heartbreaker, cheat, life-ruiner. Zak has not only ruined Lisa’s life and torn the Dingles apart but he’s trampled all over the hearts of Emmerdale viewers to become one of the most hated villagers. Shame on you, Zak.

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Hero of the Year: Robert Sugden

Alright, alright – hear me out. Robert might be a bit lot of a scheming bad boy in the village, but let’s not overlook how many lives he’s saved in the last 12 months. He’s saved Adam and Andy from exploding cars, Aaron from sepsis. And his statements to courts and police saved Chrissie and Aaron from rotting in prison and he dragged his previous-nemesis Chas away from getting herself arrested. Sometimes you have to reward good behaviour to minimise the bad. Positive reinforcement. Well done (sometimes) Robert.

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The Thursday Award For the Most WTF Moment: Ross hangs Pete from a viaduct

WHAT WAS THIS MESS?  Technically this moment didn’t even happen on a Thursday but the Thursday-double stupidity gods were at work. Everyone knows that Thursdays mean ridiculous behaviour in Emmerdale. This incident, has been pretty much all but forgotten about now. But Ross Barton actually rented (?) a crane to dangle his brother off a bridge and threaten to kill him. Then cried a bit about dad James and let Pete go. All because Pete buried Ross under a few twigs. Honestly!

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The Valerie Pollard Foundation Award For Best Ghost/Vision: Valerie Pollard

 Who else but Val? Absolute legend in life, death and even on DVD.

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